Dollywood for the Day

Jeremy and I took the boys to Dollywood yesterday.

It was the boys' second visit - and Jeremy's first time to go with them. Jones is free until the day he turns four, so, since I have a Season's Pass, we could get in for just the price of Jeremy's ticket - until Sunday, anyway. As my Bubba would say, "that's cheaper than doing without!"

The morning started off rocky - I locked us out of our house, which meant scrounging up a spare key at the Pressleys'. Then Jeremy had to go in to the office for 30 minutes, so we got a late start, but though Freddie was kinda whiny on the drive there, and the crowd was WAY bigger than I'd expected it'd be, we still had a WONDERFUL day on Rocky Top, which is what the boys sang for about 97% of the trip to the mountains.

As soon as we got there, I took Jones to the bathroom. This will become a critical plot point by the end of the story, so that's why I bring it up. We went into the one-seater "Family Restroom," and as soon as he sat down, he covered his ears and asked, "Does it have an automatic flush?" File that away, okay?

From there, we headed to the merry-go-round. Jones wanted to ride "Bullseye," which is what he's called every horse he's ever ridden on ANY carousel, including the one at Dollywood. He found one with a rifle painted on its side, and he was in LOVE. In fact, when we went back to ride the carousel at the end of the day, he chose to wait through an entire cycle of the ride to be sure he could land what he'd dubbed "Pow Pow Bullseye" (this morning when I asked him his favorite part of Dollywood, he immediately answered, "Pow Pow Bullseye").

I was proud of him for delaying his gratification - AND for being so in love with that horse.

After that first ride on the merry go round, we refilled our popcorn bucket. I mention it ONLY because some of my favorite pictures of the day are of the boys gnoshing on it in the stroller. We rode the "Oso cars," which was our only real wait of the day, and headed back to the Country Fair area for the usual rotation of Ducks - Pigs - Bumblebees.

The boys rode the Lucky Ducks. When the train roared by, both boys, almost in unison, took their hands from the steering wheels and placed them over their ears. That was pretty funny. They kept them there for the rest of the ride - long after the train had come and gone.

After that, we went to the pigs and, then, to the Bumblebees. For whatever reason, both boys were skittish of the bees. Jones, without whining, said he was a little scared of it, so I didn't make him ride it and sent him instead to the bathroom with Jeremy. He didn't go. This will become important, too.

At this point, our time was getting short. Jeremy had to get back for a client meeting at 4:30, which meant we'd have to head out of the park by 3 (seems like Jeremy has gone to the Tom Stultz School of "Days Off"), so we went to get on the 2 p.m. train ride.  We got there about 1:45, and the train was ALREADY full. Since we'd have to leave soon, I knew there was no way we could wait for the 3 p.m. train, so I dreaded telling the boys we couldn't ride what they'd been waiting for all day.

So I just tried a diversion: "Let's go ride the horses again!"

"Good idea, Mama!"

His face is saying what EVERY parent-
at-an-amusement-park is thinking.
I love this picture.

So off we went to ride "Pow Pow Bullseye" and whatever nearby animal Freddie chose. When we got off the ride, Jones immediately and excitedly said, "Let's go ride the TRAIN!" Just about then, we walked by the depot, and I said, "Oh, no! It's not at the station! Let's walk this way (toward the exit) and look for it."

And then - SHOOT! - the big, giant train went ROARING past on the tracks. I was prepped for a meltdown when Jones realized we were walking AWAY from the train instead of towards it. Thankfully, none came. It was  Jeremy's turn for a diversion: "Let's go ride the train in the parking lot" (in other words, the tram to our car).

This COMPLETELY sufficed - no whines or complaints.

So if you're keeping track, we made it through another whole (half) day at Dollywood - missing naps, eating snacks for lunch, waiting, pushing, maneuvering, etc. - and neither child pitched a single fit.

Until ...

Since Jones had been "dancing" for a couple of hours and had refused to go to the bathroom when Jeremy had taken him earlier in the day, I figured he really had to go. I knew the reason he wouldn't go with Jeremy was because he feared the automatic flush, so I thought I'd try to the one-seater where we'd had success on the way in.

JUST STANDING OUTSIDE THE DOOR TO THE BATHROOM, the child LOST HIS FLIPPING MIND. He had a fit of EPIC proportions, BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO USE THE BATHROOM, EVEN THOUGH HE CLEARLY HAD HAD TO GO FOR ABOUT THREE HOURS.

Through his screams and slaps, I made him try, anyway (I also dealt with his attitude while we were in the stall). It was a no go, so on down the road we went. We loaded up and headed home.

Just after we crossed into North Carolina, I could see the poor boy was hurting. He wasn't whining; he was just looking pink-ed and banging his left leg against the carseat.

"Buddy," I asked. "Do you need to take a potty?"

To my surprise (elation?), he said he did, so Jeremy stopped at a rest area not too far down the road. Jones and I went in and - SURE ENOUGH! - AUTOMATIC FLUSHES! As soon as he saw them, he said, "I don't need to go! I don't need to go!" I physically held him on the seat to make him.

He FINALLY went, and when he did, I think we ALL felt better.

So the moral of the story is that the boys LOVE Dollywood and whoever invented automatic flushes NEVER TOOK A SKITTISH THREE YEAR OLD TO THE BATHROOM.